Tonight is one of those nights where I feel so full of emotions. I don't know whether I am going to cry or just have this feeling for a little bit. I don't mind crying. In fact, I feel really good after I have that kind of emotional release, but I just don't feel like I am actually ready to cry yet...just have that lump sort of in my throat.
I am not really sure why I have that lump in my throat. There are so many things that can be attributing to it...my Dad's health has definitely been on my mind a lot lately. He has been battling cancer for about the last 12 years. You would probably not realize that he has cancer when you are around him because he has a positive attitude about it and does not look sickly. I don't talk about it with people either...I guess I have not really known what to say, except, "He's doing okay and please pray for him to be healed here on earth." Various drugs have helped to control the increase in the cancer multiplication, but they are no longer working, so he is not on any type of medication at the moment. Right now, a second opinion is being looked into, and diet changes have been made. I know that this is not about me (well, I guess this post is!), but I am definitely effected by what is going on, and it is really hard for me. This is my dad, and I love him. I don't want him to leave this earth yet. I cannot imagine life without him and his stories, his laughter and his hugs. I know that I have to take advantage of getting all of that from him and all of my family members, because truth be told, we don't know how long that any of us will be here on this earth. I wish that I could do something more than pray for his complete healing here on earth. Okay, so I have cried a little bit while writing this. The lump in my throat is gone...although the emotions are still there.
I know that I need to lay my burdens and feelings down before Him. I need to release everything to Him, and I know that He will fill me with His peace. No matter what happens, God is God. I have to trust Him and look to Him in all things.