Thursday, January 24, 2008

Home "Alone"

Today was a new experience for me - one that I was not totally looking forward to, but I knew that I had to go through it sooner or later. Today was the first day, since the baby was born, that I chose to be home by myself with the two boys.

This may not seem like a big deal to many of you out there, but it was to me. Dawson was home with me almost all of last week, and then either my sister, my mom or my dad would stop by to spend some time with me and help out when needed.

Today, I knew that I could not have anyone else here, but I asked Dawson to stay home and then I told him that he really needed to go to work. I was just fearful of the unknown. What would it be like with a two year old and a 16 day old? What would I do when I needed to go upstairs to check on the baby? How would Brady handle all of this? Lately, Brady has been more snuggly with me - which I love - but also a little more needy...which is just in response to the baby being here now.

So, I started my day in tears - just feeling a little overwhelmed and inadequate. Dawson prayed for me and I prayed too. However, I did think to myself - how am I going to do this? It was at that point that the Holy Spirit quickened in my heart the verse, "I can do ALL things through Christ, Who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13). When I was reminded of this verse, it gave me confidence, knowing that the Lord was going to help me through this day.

And guess what? I did make it through this day and it was a good day. When the baby was down for a nap, Brady and I had fun together and I realized at that moment how important that I was the only one that was there for him to play with today - he needed that Mommy time. So, tomorrow is a new day. I just need to be sure to get as much sleep as I am able to tonight, so that I can face another day with my two boys (and hopefully not have the tears again!) :)


The Gang's All Here! said...

I remember that first day with #2 vividly. It was snowing, I was struggling with irrational fear of The Boss driving off the road and leaving me a widow, and #2 was screaming his head off while we tried to say good-bye and explain to #1 that Daddy had to go to work, that he couldn't stay home and play all day, again! My in-laws had left the night before and I was there. Alone! I cried too. And I made it too. You are gonna do GREAT - as long as you remember to ask for help when you need it and ask for prayer always :)

I'm praying for another great day tomorrow! :)

Melissa said...

I felt the same way. The house seemed so strangely quiet (like the calm before the storm) and I was wondering (especially when #3 came along) how I could be so terribly outnumbered and still survive the day!

Now, you'll find comfort in the routine of everyday and before you know it, as each day goes by, it will feel totally normal to you and you'll wonder what life was like before the baby came!

Thrills said...

I had those same thoughts, but God gives you what you need. Sleep was the hardest thing for me. Continue taking naps when you can until he is sleeping thru the night. I always had better days when I had sleep.

And like "the Gang" said don't be afraid to ask for help. I know your mom and sister would love to help along with others. I would even take Brady for some time to help out.

Oh the other thing that made my days better was when I deliberately made time for Princess. When I gave her the attention she needed, she was a much happier little girl.

You will get the hang of it.

Livin' Life said...

It is so hard. I remember those days so clearly and my heart goes out to you. YOu are wonderful mommy and you will do such a great job. I will be praying for you.

Say Anything said...

Nap. Nap often. And don't feel guilty.

nicole said...

I have had these feelings with each new addition to our family. It is scary to think about. I'm sure to be feeling the same way in a few weeks when baby #5 arrives. Congratulations on the new life in your family.